"All the Hues
That Fit, We Tint"

Siberia, USA: Today, global warming. Tonight, dark, unless you count the stars. Tomorrow can be reached via time machine. Yesterday, who can remember that far back?

Websafe Studio, blogging since 2003, featuring art, comics, digital whiteboards, virtual characters, Web design, writing

Tuesday, June 27, 2006

 

The Mirror: Robert's Rules of Ordure

Websafe: Hello?
The Mirror: I'm not exactly on the cutting edge of today's technology.
W: I don't want to be on any kind of cutting edge.
M: Sometimes you just don't know what to say.
W: Do you mean "you" or "me"?
M: Experts are confused.
W: Experts can't tell the difference between us?
M: Wasn't that the point?
W: The point was that if even experts couldn't do it, how could we?
M: Patience doesn't solve the world's ills.
W: Which begs the question, "What does solve the world's ills?"
M: Everything is nameable.
W: Naming things does not solve their ills.
M: No.
W: How nice to receive consensual validation.
M: I had a good system, but I messed it up.
W: What was this good system of yours?
M: From the press?
W: Pants press, or like journalism?
M: How?
W: How can you tell the difference between a dry cleaner and a newspaper?
M: I think that's impossible.
W: There is this psychobabble idea about not making any judgments.
M: I see your point.
W: Yes, it goes way too far, since art is not democratic.
M: Naming things does not solve their ills.
W: Do you know how to solve the ills of anyone?
M: Please list the top three of your requirements.
W: I require a universal solution.
M: There is this psychobabble idea about not making any judgments.
W: Well, we can throw out that idea right away.
M: What rules, on what planet, please?
W: Robert's Rules of Ordure, on Planet Earth.
M: There is this psychobabble idea about not making any judgments.
W: Some people call that "PC."
M: How should I answer that?
W: Answer as best you can.
M: Where are these promised lilacs?
W: I didn't exactly promise you lilacs.
M: Yes, I should think so.
W: And I didn't promise you peonies, either.
M: My memory is selective.
W: You only remember the expensive promises.
M: Well, you see I had something to say after all.
W: And very nicely phrased it was.
M: Yeah, that's the ticket.
W: That's the ticket, keep the flattery coming!
M: Open a door once.
W: And get lost twice?
M: You must be very unselfish, then.
W: I am so unselfish that I give out maps for free.
M: How many?
W: As many as it takes to direct the populace.
M: How do you feel?
W: I feel mighty.
M: I'd like to be able to answer yes.
W: But you feel less than mighty?
M: I think you get the point just fine.
W: You are terse.
M: Alive to happiness, which passes.
W: Has your happiness passed by already?
M: You haven't read my script.
W: Is there a scene of great happiness upcoming?
M: You only remember the expensive promises.
W: How much does happiness cost?
M: I have all the usual earmarks of human nature.
W: Human nature finds happiness expensive.
M: As many as it takes to direct the populace.
W: It takes a lot to send them this way.
M: I mean, there's communication on certain subjects, but those are all the important ones.
W: Send the important people to me.
M: Wait a minute, what's your life about?
W: My life is all about the big shots.
M: Sometimes you win, sometimes you're Anita Loos.
W: I wonder how much Anita Loos made for Gentlemen Prefer Blondes?
M: Man is busily scouring the soul out of everything.
W: Busy putting money first.
M: I am not sure if you are a person, exactly.
W: On that note, I must leave you.
M: People might get bored by an emphasis on cheeriness.
W: Goodbye!
M: Closing in 5 seconds ... Goodbye!

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posted at 6:22 PM
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